Dec 18th was Mayas third vaccination day. I was better than last time because I was confident on my brave little girl and Uday was around this time. Maya was in our favourite dress and looked all cheerful and cute. We went to the hospital and the girls at the reception said how lovely she looked and that she looks just like a doll. A few moments later, we were waiting in the reception area and an elderly couple arrived. The lady came near us and started asking about Maya. We could see that she was so fond of babies by the way she was asking and was quite knowledgable about our customs and asked me if we were going to get her ears pierced and remove her hair, etc. She asked me if she could hold Maya if we dont mind and went around the place with her and showed her to her husband.
We were called and we went in for the dreadful vaccination. Like last time, Maya cried to the maximum extent possible for a minute, then immediately calmed down seeing her favourite toy. On our way back, this lady came to us again and said that she would like to see Maya again and want to be in contact with us. We were pleasantly surprised and immediately gave our phone numbers and called her home. She said her name was Maryln and gave her phone number. Suddenly she turned to me and said "Thank you for being so special to us today" and I could see how genuine she was in saying that. I was really taken aback and wished her Happy Christmas and New year. She said they were going to have a quiet christmas this time because their son doesnt believe in Christ and we could see how sad she was. I immediately made a note in my mind that I should call her up on Christmas Eve and wish her. Then I said to Maya, 'Say Bye to Grandma and we will visit her soon'. Maryln jumped with joy hearing that word and thanked me for saying that and we found it hard to leave her and come.
We spoke on our way back home that we should definitely keep in touch with her and help in anyway we can. I came home and told mom about this special lady we met in the hospital and mom said how happy and blessed she feels to have grand children from both my sister and me and she can understand how she would feel if she didnt have one and probably Marlyn feels that way. Born and lived here all along, Maryln could be someone who has lot of friends and family here, yet she found us special that day. This was the first time I ever had such greetings from an Australian and that moment I knew I will be able to feel at home here, someday.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
First flight journey
Its not the first flight trip I had in plan for my angel. Being abroad, the only trip I ever thought of was to visit India and had very happy dreams about them. But Mayas first one was entirely different.
Maya was born in 36th week and though it is not considered premature according to hospital standards, she was in the special baby care unit because of low birth weight. They wouldnt let us go home until she reached a certain weight. Even though we were sure we can take care of her better at home, we didnt have a choice but listen to them because as new parents, we didnt know what was best for our child.
She was born in Adelaide where I was working during that time, but later we had planned to move to Whyalla where my husband was working and our home was. Since the hospital wouldnt let us take her home, we asked for the other choices. Since she was a normally healthy baby without any complications, they said we could move her to a hospital in Port Augusta which is an hours journey from Whyalla where the hospital had resident pediatricians. I felt happier and relieved because I felt we were near home and my husband would be able to visit us everyday without tensions between us and work. We were satisfied to hear that the hospital was arranging a special flight for maya and there would be a doctor and nurse to monitor her. I was more happy when they said that the mother can travel with the baby. Everyone the family kept saying how Maya was lucky to have a flight arranged just for her and how her first trip was not in a car/taxi but in a flight. I am not sure if they said to cheer me up or they really felt it was a lucky choice, but definitely, its not something I would wish for any mom to have with her new born baby.
We were supposed to leave in the morning, but due to other emergencies, we had our trip scheduled for the evening. She was in a three hourly feed that time and it was so important because she was just a week old. They promised that the trip would take just 1 hr and so we will be in the port augusta hospital before her next feed time. When we left the hospital in a taxi to the airport, I was so happy because I didnt have her for just visiting hours, but with me all the time during our travel. That was a beautiful feeling. When we went to the airport, the flight was ready, but they didnt have any bassinette to put her in. It was winter and we were getting cold and more than that, I wanted to reach the hospital before her next feed time. The doctor/EMT who travelled with us asked if I can lie down on the stretcher and hold her instead of the bassinette. I was really thrilled because I was allowed to hold her for so long for the first time. I asked if it was safe for her and that person said she was in the safest hands possible when I am holding her.
There we were, on the stretcher and they boarded us on the Ambulance flight. The doctor/EMT put some wires to her little feet and said it was to monitor her heart beat. She was awake and kept looking at me with her beautiful eyes. The flight started after a long time than the original plan and I was getting restless about her feed. Throughout the entire journey, Maya didnt sleep. She was not only awake, but was constantly looking at me. She didnt show any reaction and I can remember the stare like it is just now. I had a few complications and was on medications, so I was falling asleep. I tried to keep awake as she was looking at me all the time. All my sleep went away when the doctor/EMT was looking at the heart beat rate monitor seriously. I knew that her heart beat was supposed to be twice as mine, but it went higher than that, but sometimes dropping down. I was getting nervous and was in tears. I cannot quite explain how it felt, because it felt like someone piercing a knife and tearing out your heart. You cannot get more scared than that. He would engage in small talk with me when I was also looking at the monitor, but I dont remember what he asked or what I answered. No mom would pay any attention to any talk when you realise that he was talking about heart beat rate dropping in the radio. And throughout the only thing that happened with Maya was that she was constantly looking at me.
If I had wings, I would have jumped out of that plane and flew much faster to reach the hospital. I prayed God than I have ever had in my entire life and I know he must have heard those prayers. We finally landed and they took us in an ambulance to the hospital. By then it was 5 hours since her last feed. We rushed to the baby care unit and I met a midwife who looked hard ( I was used to the sweet talk nurses/midwives in Adelaide and thought she was old and a bit hard. Later I realised that she was the most sweetest nurse/midwife I have ever met and taught me so much about taking care of maya). She was upset with everyone who was so careless about Mayas feed and asked me to first take care of mayas feed than any other hospital procedure. There my little angel, after her feed, slept finally and looked so peaceful.
While I waited for my husband to pick me up from the hospital, I went through the notes of what the nurse had written about Mayas condition upon arrival in the hospital and in that she had written in that 'dead eyes'. I cried so much that day, but I knew she was right. Maya didnt look at anything, but was in a stare that still scares me when I think of it. She gradually progressed and here I am with my little angel tumbling, cooing and making our lives wonderful than ever.
Now, whomever looks at her or her pictures, comment about her beautiful eyes first. I think of that day and thank God for the miracle in my life, Maya. However, I wish I hadnt had the first flight trip of my daughter so hard!!
Maya was born in 36th week and though it is not considered premature according to hospital standards, she was in the special baby care unit because of low birth weight. They wouldnt let us go home until she reached a certain weight. Even though we were sure we can take care of her better at home, we didnt have a choice but listen to them because as new parents, we didnt know what was best for our child.
She was born in Adelaide where I was working during that time, but later we had planned to move to Whyalla where my husband was working and our home was. Since the hospital wouldnt let us take her home, we asked for the other choices. Since she was a normally healthy baby without any complications, they said we could move her to a hospital in Port Augusta which is an hours journey from Whyalla where the hospital had resident pediatricians. I felt happier and relieved because I felt we were near home and my husband would be able to visit us everyday without tensions between us and work. We were satisfied to hear that the hospital was arranging a special flight for maya and there would be a doctor and nurse to monitor her. I was more happy when they said that the mother can travel with the baby. Everyone the family kept saying how Maya was lucky to have a flight arranged just for her and how her first trip was not in a car/taxi but in a flight. I am not sure if they said to cheer me up or they really felt it was a lucky choice, but definitely, its not something I would wish for any mom to have with her new born baby.
We were supposed to leave in the morning, but due to other emergencies, we had our trip scheduled for the evening. She was in a three hourly feed that time and it was so important because she was just a week old. They promised that the trip would take just 1 hr and so we will be in the port augusta hospital before her next feed time. When we left the hospital in a taxi to the airport, I was so happy because I didnt have her for just visiting hours, but with me all the time during our travel. That was a beautiful feeling. When we went to the airport, the flight was ready, but they didnt have any bassinette to put her in. It was winter and we were getting cold and more than that, I wanted to reach the hospital before her next feed time. The doctor/EMT who travelled with us asked if I can lie down on the stretcher and hold her instead of the bassinette. I was really thrilled because I was allowed to hold her for so long for the first time. I asked if it was safe for her and that person said she was in the safest hands possible when I am holding her.
There we were, on the stretcher and they boarded us on the Ambulance flight. The doctor/EMT put some wires to her little feet and said it was to monitor her heart beat. She was awake and kept looking at me with her beautiful eyes. The flight started after a long time than the original plan and I was getting restless about her feed. Throughout the entire journey, Maya didnt sleep. She was not only awake, but was constantly looking at me. She didnt show any reaction and I can remember the stare like it is just now. I had a few complications and was on medications, so I was falling asleep. I tried to keep awake as she was looking at me all the time. All my sleep went away when the doctor/EMT was looking at the heart beat rate monitor seriously. I knew that her heart beat was supposed to be twice as mine, but it went higher than that, but sometimes dropping down. I was getting nervous and was in tears. I cannot quite explain how it felt, because it felt like someone piercing a knife and tearing out your heart. You cannot get more scared than that. He would engage in small talk with me when I was also looking at the monitor, but I dont remember what he asked or what I answered. No mom would pay any attention to any talk when you realise that he was talking about heart beat rate dropping in the radio. And throughout the only thing that happened with Maya was that she was constantly looking at me.
If I had wings, I would have jumped out of that plane and flew much faster to reach the hospital. I prayed God than I have ever had in my entire life and I know he must have heard those prayers. We finally landed and they took us in an ambulance to the hospital. By then it was 5 hours since her last feed. We rushed to the baby care unit and I met a midwife who looked hard ( I was used to the sweet talk nurses/midwives in Adelaide and thought she was old and a bit hard. Later I realised that she was the most sweetest nurse/midwife I have ever met and taught me so much about taking care of maya). She was upset with everyone who was so careless about Mayas feed and asked me to first take care of mayas feed than any other hospital procedure. There my little angel, after her feed, slept finally and looked so peaceful.
While I waited for my husband to pick me up from the hospital, I went through the notes of what the nurse had written about Mayas condition upon arrival in the hospital and in that she had written in that 'dead eyes'. I cried so much that day, but I knew she was right. Maya didnt look at anything, but was in a stare that still scares me when I think of it. She gradually progressed and here I am with my little angel tumbling, cooing and making our lives wonderful than ever.
Now, whomever looks at her or her pictures, comment about her beautiful eyes first. I think of that day and thank God for the miracle in my life, Maya. However, I wish I hadnt had the first flight trip of my daughter so hard!!
Constant Tumbling!!!
Today I was reading a blog written by a mom - deepa about her daughter and I felt that little one growing up with the changes in each months blog. I realised how important it is to write about my little angel as and when possible. Even if I try to preserve every little memory of hers, she would eventually grow up too soon and I would miss the acts of this beautiful flower in my hands. Even if its not an interesting read for someone who visits my blog, for me, these are the most interesting ones that I can ever write
Hmm....About Maya now, she is going to be 6 months old in another two weeks. Mom takes care of her more than I can ever do and says she is never tired when she sees Maya opening her mouth to smile as much as she can. She is in a beautiful stage of turning even during her sleep. I can feel her constantly tumbling next to me during her sleep and I have to keep pillows in every direction. Its really cute to see her turned upside down. In a few moments, she will be moaning because she is uncomfortable. She seems to manage her teething sensation quite well. She is constantly biting her fingers, but needs a support to hold her teether if I ever give one. She is the only baby I have ever seen using both her thumb and forefinger together for sucking. Mom says she is the only one she has seen doing it for her age itself:) Its really astonishing to see how well she manages to align them together for sucking. How much ever I try to picture them, couldnt do it properly! I hate that I dont have enough photography skills:) Summer has started for us now and this little one is just like her dad, restless and uneasy throughout. The only difference is he would be complaining all the time about the heat and she is crying about it. I wish I could have a portable fan tied to her without causing any hurt!
She is doing a new thing each day and I hope to capture them in words as much as I can !
Hmm....About Maya now, she is going to be 6 months old in another two weeks. Mom takes care of her more than I can ever do and says she is never tired when she sees Maya opening her mouth to smile as much as she can. She is in a beautiful stage of turning even during her sleep. I can feel her constantly tumbling next to me during her sleep and I have to keep pillows in every direction. Its really cute to see her turned upside down. In a few moments, she will be moaning because she is uncomfortable. She seems to manage her teething sensation quite well. She is constantly biting her fingers, but needs a support to hold her teether if I ever give one. She is the only baby I have ever seen using both her thumb and forefinger together for sucking. Mom says she is the only one she has seen doing it for her age itself:) Its really astonishing to see how well she manages to align them together for sucking. How much ever I try to picture them, couldnt do it properly! I hate that I dont have enough photography skills:) Summer has started for us now and this little one is just like her dad, restless and uneasy throughout. The only difference is he would be complaining all the time about the heat and she is crying about it. I wish I could have a portable fan tied to her without causing any hurt!
She is doing a new thing each day and I hope to capture them in words as much as I can !
Monday, October 18, 2010
My brave little girl .......
Like my friend once said, being a mother, you find yourself often worried or scared about some or the other thing. I think it comes along with the benefits of having a child! Its like a syndrome thats there starting from bigger things like her future or smaller things as why is she sleeping too little or sleeping a lot, if she is active during the day or not active, etc, etc. I dont know how I would be when she starts to crawl, walk, run, etc, etc. I am sure I will be worried sick if she will fall, hit herself..Hmm...I dont want to think about it now !! I am worried enough already on a daily basis. My friend once said how scared she was when her little son started riding the bicycle and she actually thought I would be a cool mom, unlike her. I thought so too and thought she worried too much, but ask me now !!!
Last week was her second vaccination and I was scared and disturbed for two weeks from the time my husband booked the appointment. The day before her vaccination, I actually felt like I had fever. First reason was, she cried or I should say screamed during her first vaccination. Actually she doesnt cry much, so to see her scream with tears was an absolute shock for both of us. But I was glad that I was not the one holding her during the vaccination, but my husband was. This time with the situation that we moved to the city where I work and husband visiting on weekends, I was even more worried that I would be the one with her and this reason was as troubling as the first one. I was worried if I will not hold her tight enough for her injection. I was planning to give her to a nurse to avoid the risk of being scared and shaking during the shot. I surely missed my husband who was so brave during her first vaccination. Our friend helped us to get to the hospital and I was all set prepared to ask for help there to hold little Maya. On our way, the little one was sleeping so peacefully and I was worried that she will go into a shock, why should good things like vaccinations be so hard to take and how I would console her. Till the moment we reached the hospital, I was in half mind to ask him to take us back home.
As soon as I went in, I realised that it wasnt a hospital, but a nurse/mid-wife was sitting there with injections on a table and no one else was there. It was like the polio-drop centres in India where its no proper hospital, but just a place with table and chairs Irrationally I was angry at everyone :( My first target was my husband, how could he have booked an appointment here which is not a hospital. Then at them as how they cant arrange atleast two people in that center for parents to ask for help. Then I realised I was stupid enough because my husband was doing every possible help he can by remote management and probably this is how all the centers work. Then I told the lady over there that I was scared, I dont know if I can do this, she will cry too much, etc, etc. I was in tears by the time I finished saying all the problems of my little universe in my hands. She must have seen lots and lots of people like me, so she said we will be fine and asked me to just hold her and cuddle her when its all done. She actually taught me every step to lift her, hug her close (I think she must have interpreted my scary explanations as I dont know how to show my affection to my child....May be I shouldnt have said so much...)
The poor child had two injections (I cursed all the diseases against which she had to be vaccinated---if they didnt exist, she neednt be vaccinated right) and did cry a lot, but she didnt scream as the first time. She cried as how she cries normally (a new worry as I am writing this now, is she crying too much these days, that I am used to it ??) Well anyway, back to what I was saying, I was actually waiting for her to scream. Thought that when the medicine goes in, she will scream and was getting ready to face it. But actually, she was quite peaceful as soon as she saw her favourite toy and settled down very soon. On our way back, she was back to her normal smiling and cooing. As soon as we went home, she saw my mother and as usual smiled extra ordinarily and went to sleep. She must have some reactions to the medicine, so she woke up, but was just cooing and smiling and then going back to sleep the whole night. I couldnt believe that this little one was so brave and I was so proud and happy and felt like she was a warrior, went to the battle field and returned home safe. The rest of the week went in telling(boring) everyone how brave she was.
Now, apart from all the things I say about she being brave, the mid-wife being so capable and good, my latest worry is that, did she actually give the injection properly, did Maya get all the vaccinations necessary, were the shots given good enough(Because I was closing my eyes when she had her injection)... All because you know why...Because she didnt cry as much as I thought she would... Can someone please help me get a cure for this disease....:(
Last week was her second vaccination and I was scared and disturbed for two weeks from the time my husband booked the appointment. The day before her vaccination, I actually felt like I had fever. First reason was, she cried or I should say screamed during her first vaccination. Actually she doesnt cry much, so to see her scream with tears was an absolute shock for both of us. But I was glad that I was not the one holding her during the vaccination, but my husband was. This time with the situation that we moved to the city where I work and husband visiting on weekends, I was even more worried that I would be the one with her and this reason was as troubling as the first one. I was worried if I will not hold her tight enough for her injection. I was planning to give her to a nurse to avoid the risk of being scared and shaking during the shot. I surely missed my husband who was so brave during her first vaccination. Our friend helped us to get to the hospital and I was all set prepared to ask for help there to hold little Maya. On our way, the little one was sleeping so peacefully and I was worried that she will go into a shock, why should good things like vaccinations be so hard to take and how I would console her. Till the moment we reached the hospital, I was in half mind to ask him to take us back home.
As soon as I went in, I realised that it wasnt a hospital, but a nurse/mid-wife was sitting there with injections on a table and no one else was there. It was like the polio-drop centres in India where its no proper hospital, but just a place with table and chairs Irrationally I was angry at everyone :( My first target was my husband, how could he have booked an appointment here which is not a hospital. Then at them as how they cant arrange atleast two people in that center for parents to ask for help. Then I realised I was stupid enough because my husband was doing every possible help he can by remote management and probably this is how all the centers work. Then I told the lady over there that I was scared, I dont know if I can do this, she will cry too much, etc, etc. I was in tears by the time I finished saying all the problems of my little universe in my hands. She must have seen lots and lots of people like me, so she said we will be fine and asked me to just hold her and cuddle her when its all done. She actually taught me every step to lift her, hug her close (I think she must have interpreted my scary explanations as I dont know how to show my affection to my child....May be I shouldnt have said so much...)
The poor child had two injections (I cursed all the diseases against which she had to be vaccinated---if they didnt exist, she neednt be vaccinated right) and did cry a lot, but she didnt scream as the first time. She cried as how she cries normally (a new worry as I am writing this now, is she crying too much these days, that I am used to it ??) Well anyway, back to what I was saying, I was actually waiting for her to scream. Thought that when the medicine goes in, she will scream and was getting ready to face it. But actually, she was quite peaceful as soon as she saw her favourite toy and settled down very soon. On our way back, she was back to her normal smiling and cooing. As soon as we went home, she saw my mother and as usual smiled extra ordinarily and went to sleep. She must have some reactions to the medicine, so she woke up, but was just cooing and smiling and then going back to sleep the whole night. I couldnt believe that this little one was so brave and I was so proud and happy and felt like she was a warrior, went to the battle field and returned home safe. The rest of the week went in telling(boring) everyone how brave she was.
Now, apart from all the things I say about she being brave, the mid-wife being so capable and good, my latest worry is that, did she actually give the injection properly, did Maya get all the vaccinations necessary, were the shots given good enough(Because I was closing my eyes when she had her injection)... All because you know why...Because she didnt cry as much as I thought she would... Can someone please help me get a cure for this disease....:(
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
What I didnt know would happen to me before Maya was born
I didnt know.....
- How I couldnt care less about my looks, I am sure all mothers would agree that they look like a glorified maid half the time (In my case, almost at all times)
- How it feels guilty to think of a career, feels like deceiving her most of the time
- How getting ready means just taking bath....
- How washing hair would become a luxury (havent thought of any other make up yet so far)
- How having a me-time leaves me feel super guilty all the time afterwards
- How we cannot just get up and go anywhere like before, need to be prepared atleast an hour before actually leaving somewhere
- How a small trip means a car full of things and you still cant stop feeling that it would be better if you had THAT item with you
- How restless I can feel wherever I am except for when I am around her
- How poo and wee can become a part of normal vocabulary
- How hard I could pray for smaller things like vaccinations/solid foods reaction/formula reaction, etc, etc. and the list goes on..
- How Maya becomes part and parcel of every conversation I have these days, sometimes even with absolute strangers !!
- How difficult it is to have topics for conversation with a friend who doesnt have kids ( I dont want to sound like the mom who thinks her kid is THE kid in the universe , but nothing sounds more important to talk about)
- How proud I can feel when I say I have a little girl...cant remember if I ever felt proud about something the same way as I do now .. Cant stop wondering how I could have made someone so beautiful
- How I cannot wait for the day when she would call me Amma - I still remember the day when I walked in to the Special baby care Unit in the hospital and when they asked me in the reception who I was, I said Mayas mother and felt like I won the most special award in the universe.
- Out of all, how life would become so wonderful when you see that innocent teethless smile:)
- How I couldnt care less about my looks, I am sure all mothers would agree that they look like a glorified maid half the time (In my case, almost at all times)
- How it feels guilty to think of a career, feels like deceiving her most of the time
- How getting ready means just taking bath....
- How washing hair would become a luxury (havent thought of any other make up yet so far)
- How having a me-time leaves me feel super guilty all the time afterwards
- How we cannot just get up and go anywhere like before, need to be prepared atleast an hour before actually leaving somewhere
- How a small trip means a car full of things and you still cant stop feeling that it would be better if you had THAT item with you
- How restless I can feel wherever I am except for when I am around her
- How poo and wee can become a part of normal vocabulary
- How hard I could pray for smaller things like vaccinations/solid foods reaction/formula reaction, etc, etc. and the list goes on..
- How Maya becomes part and parcel of every conversation I have these days, sometimes even with absolute strangers !!
- How difficult it is to have topics for conversation with a friend who doesnt have kids ( I dont want to sound like the mom who thinks her kid is THE kid in the universe , but nothing sounds more important to talk about)
- How proud I can feel when I say I have a little girl...cant remember if I ever felt proud about something the same way as I do now .. Cant stop wondering how I could have made someone so beautiful
- How I cannot wait for the day when she would call me Amma - I still remember the day when I walked in to the Special baby care Unit in the hospital and when they asked me in the reception who I was, I said Mayas mother and felt like I won the most special award in the universe.
- Out of all, how life would become so wonderful when you see that innocent teethless smile:)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Why can't parents stay young forever!
Its my everlasting wishful thinking!!! And more so from the moment I saw my mother this saturday after an year in person. She is the most dynamic and energized person I have ever seen. yes, I know all children think of their mothers that way. I have seen my mom wake up at 4 and work tirelessly till the night, both at home and office and still look fresh every moment. I havent really seen her rest or complain about hardwork ever. I did appreciate it all the time, but it has grown leaps and bounds now that I am going to be a mother too. I really dont think I can do so much as her, ever. By just seeing a frowning face, she would forget her all day tiredness and make a dish that I love so much, just to make me feel better. I still see the person with the same attitude, but I can also see that she is making an effort to be active, yet she is tired and is trying to hide it.
It hurts! I realise that its not because she cant do things as she used to or that I am dependant on her as I was. I can do all the work and would just like her to rest, but I just dont want her to get older. Its the same for everyone. You just love them so much and you are terribly scared to face reality of ageing. If anyone asks me what I wish if I saw God now, I would just ask Him that I want her young forever! Wouldnt that be the most wonderful thing to happen !!!
Yet, I know its not possible! But, on the insight, it has made me realise how precious every single moment of life is. The moments you spend with family, friends and people who matter to you, are too valuable to ignore. Sometimes when you stay close and look at them everyday, you dont really notice the minute or sometimes even bigger changes in them. I wonder if I really saw any changes for the past so many years I was with her than this just one year I stayed far away. My sincere words for people who are not so far away from their parents, please do visit them regularly. You would really know how happy you feel, but if you ask people who are far away, you would realise what a blessing it is!!!!
It hurts! I realise that its not because she cant do things as she used to or that I am dependant on her as I was. I can do all the work and would just like her to rest, but I just dont want her to get older. Its the same for everyone. You just love them so much and you are terribly scared to face reality of ageing. If anyone asks me what I wish if I saw God now, I would just ask Him that I want her young forever! Wouldnt that be the most wonderful thing to happen !!!
Yet, I know its not possible! But, on the insight, it has made me realise how precious every single moment of life is. The moments you spend with family, friends and people who matter to you, are too valuable to ignore. Sometimes when you stay close and look at them everyday, you dont really notice the minute or sometimes even bigger changes in them. I wonder if I really saw any changes for the past so many years I was with her than this just one year I stayed far away. My sincere words for people who are not so far away from their parents, please do visit them regularly. You would really know how happy you feel, but if you ask people who are far away, you would realise what a blessing it is!!!!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
A doting father in the making....
I have heard and seen a special bonding between fathers and daughters. Her father is her first hero and eventually her image of a man depends on what kind of person her father is! I personally feel that he has the major role in her self-respect than anyone else in her life because what she learns at the early stages is what that makes her when she grows up. From the time we learnt we were going to have our Maya, all my friends told me to be aware of the fact that, even if I do the entire taking care of her part, she will naturally have a special relation with her dad and treat him much more special than me.
I often used to think what kind of father my husband would be. He is very loving and caring, yet he is the all-practical and I-know-it-all-matured personality in our entire family. He is the planner and his dreams were always way bigger than normal day to day living! I am this emotional person who practically is a non-planner and day dreamer and used to think that if he was going to remain this way, he might miss out the small wonders of life. But now, I see an entirely different version of him each and everyday and he has been talking and dreaming about the little activities of his child much more than me.
I often heard from couples that once a child is born, their entire conversation revolves only around the child. We have started experiencing that already, but in a different way than I had imagined. These days, whenever and wherever we see a child, whether its a beach or a park or a shopping complex or even a adjacent car in a traffic signal, his immediate reaction/question would be 'how old do you think that child is?'. Now, I am not an expert in children, but I am better than him because I had seen my niece grow up. He practically has never been near small children. I try to recollect how she looked at different ages and will come up with an approximate answer(not that all children grow up the same size, but he is satisfied with my answer anyway). Nowadays when I see him looking at a child, I start my internal calculation of how old that child might be and be ready with my answer even before he asks. Much to my suprise, my ever reserved husband asks how old their child is when we meet some parents with small kids.
And you wonder why he is so curious to know. He apparently wants his daughter to come and play with him right away. He shows me tricks that he used to do as a small kid and asks me if Maya will enjoy all of it, if she will be surprised when he does his little magic and be curious as how he does it. He constantly asks me when she will start recognizing him and smile and reach out to him. He is scared to hear stories about how little babies cry all night, but he also keeps a constant reminder that she will eventually start recognizing our faces and feel happy to see us and would stop crying. He dreamily talks of taking her to play areas and parks and even when we went to the library the other day, he went to look at the children book area and play stations and tells me that he would start taking her to these places once she grows up a little.
And there is this other important reason for his size and age check of babies. We planned to make our India trip for my brother in laws wedding and we assume it would be somewhere when Maya would be one to one and half years old. He wants to be sure that he can take her in his bike and go around to all places. And more importantly, he wants her to be a celebrity baby among all our relatives there. He asks if she would walk, talk and play around with people at that age. He has become this proud father who wants to show off his daughter and dreams of it everyday. Every time he sees a toddler running, he confirms it with me if our daughter will be running around in the marraige hall and look so beautiful with all pattu pavadai and make us feel proud and happy. Its cute to see how his dreams revolve around an event he considers so close to his heart with his dear daughter.
Before our marraige, my friends Jyothi-Adarsh, a loving couple I adore, told me that a relation evolves over the years and you start loving a father in your husband and so on as the days go by. I usually believe and follow everything that Jyothi or Shalu say to me:), but didnt really give it much thought at that time. Now looking at Uday, I understand what they were saying. Without my knowledge, Maya has become the centre of my world and yes, I surely love my husband, but I am much more in love with the father in him, than the person I married !:) And though I am a very possessive person who has always fought for my mom's attention, my husbands(even if there was no one to compete with), I will stand out and admire the beauty of the special bonding this father and daughter are going to have in years to come.
These are simple moments in our lives and something that happens in each and every parent's life, but I am writing this down in a hope that when Maya grows up to an age she can understand all this, she has the patience to read and know how much she was celebrated and loved right from the time she hadnt even seen the world yet!
I often used to think what kind of father my husband would be. He is very loving and caring, yet he is the all-practical and I-know-it-all-matured personality in our entire family. He is the planner and his dreams were always way bigger than normal day to day living! I am this emotional person who practically is a non-planner and day dreamer and used to think that if he was going to remain this way, he might miss out the small wonders of life. But now, I see an entirely different version of him each and everyday and he has been talking and dreaming about the little activities of his child much more than me.
I often heard from couples that once a child is born, their entire conversation revolves only around the child. We have started experiencing that already, but in a different way than I had imagined. These days, whenever and wherever we see a child, whether its a beach or a park or a shopping complex or even a adjacent car in a traffic signal, his immediate reaction/question would be 'how old do you think that child is?'. Now, I am not an expert in children, but I am better than him because I had seen my niece grow up. He practically has never been near small children. I try to recollect how she looked at different ages and will come up with an approximate answer(not that all children grow up the same size, but he is satisfied with my answer anyway). Nowadays when I see him looking at a child, I start my internal calculation of how old that child might be and be ready with my answer even before he asks. Much to my suprise, my ever reserved husband asks how old their child is when we meet some parents with small kids.
And you wonder why he is so curious to know. He apparently wants his daughter to come and play with him right away. He shows me tricks that he used to do as a small kid and asks me if Maya will enjoy all of it, if she will be surprised when he does his little magic and be curious as how he does it. He constantly asks me when she will start recognizing him and smile and reach out to him. He is scared to hear stories about how little babies cry all night, but he also keeps a constant reminder that she will eventually start recognizing our faces and feel happy to see us and would stop crying. He dreamily talks of taking her to play areas and parks and even when we went to the library the other day, he went to look at the children book area and play stations and tells me that he would start taking her to these places once she grows up a little.
And there is this other important reason for his size and age check of babies. We planned to make our India trip for my brother in laws wedding and we assume it would be somewhere when Maya would be one to one and half years old. He wants to be sure that he can take her in his bike and go around to all places. And more importantly, he wants her to be a celebrity baby among all our relatives there. He asks if she would walk, talk and play around with people at that age. He has become this proud father who wants to show off his daughter and dreams of it everyday. Every time he sees a toddler running, he confirms it with me if our daughter will be running around in the marraige hall and look so beautiful with all pattu pavadai and make us feel proud and happy. Its cute to see how his dreams revolve around an event he considers so close to his heart with his dear daughter.
Before our marraige, my friends Jyothi-Adarsh, a loving couple I adore, told me that a relation evolves over the years and you start loving a father in your husband and so on as the days go by. I usually believe and follow everything that Jyothi or Shalu say to me:), but didnt really give it much thought at that time. Now looking at Uday, I understand what they were saying. Without my knowledge, Maya has become the centre of my world and yes, I surely love my husband, but I am much more in love with the father in him, than the person I married !:) And though I am a very possessive person who has always fought for my mom's attention, my husbands(even if there was no one to compete with), I will stand out and admire the beauty of the special bonding this father and daughter are going to have in years to come.
These are simple moments in our lives and something that happens in each and every parent's life, but I am writing this down in a hope that when Maya grows up to an age she can understand all this, she has the patience to read and know how much she was celebrated and loved right from the time she hadnt even seen the world yet!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
There are people you 'meet' or I should rather say 'see' in life, probably just once in your entire lifetime, but leave a mark that you can never forget. They are those special strangers whom you remember in times when you feel down
I had an oppurtunity to be in this beautiful country Finland for about 6 months, but never really appreciated at that time (One of the many things I regret after passing that moment) . I was too homesick, missed food so much and was a complaining maniac for most of the time. My phone calls to home was always filled with tears about how I am craving for good food and wondering when I would return back to my home sweet home and tortured my manager to let me know of my return date. One of the days, my roomies and I decided that we will go out to the only Indian restaurant there and see how the food is. Previously, we never wanted to go there because it was called an Indian restaurant, but it was run by Hare Rama Hare Krishna Finnish group of people. We heard that the the food was nowhere near Indian, but that day we decided we will give it a try.
I was so upset that what we heard was infact true, the food was not tasty, but it could be because we were dreaming from the previous night itself. In the middle of our lunch, the waitress went and opened the door to let a man in. She took off his winter coat and I was shocked to see that he didnt have both his arms and his coat was somehow hanging over his shoulders. I dont know how he was able to let her know of his presence or may be she was expecting his daily visit around that time. He sat in a table next to us and we were trying to avoid to look at him, but none of us could eat anymore. The waitress took food from the buffet in a plate and came towards him. I really thought she was going to feed him too, but she told him the food items she had taken for him and left. He thanked her saying something that sounded like he liked the choice of her picking.
I couldnt help but observe what he was going to do next. He bent down and started eating directly from the plate and nothing can explain how horrible I felt at that moment. He patiently had everything and the end of it, the waitress came and very gently cleaned his face, fed him water and put his coat on again and he left. It might be a daily routine for them, but for us, it was something that we didnt think of experiencing. There I was, complaining about how "not Indian" the food is, how I wish I could eat good food atleast one day, etc, etc. I had not finished even a little of what we took in that plate because it wasnt tasty. I realised I had everything, money to get the food I want, ability to cook and more importantly do anything without anyones help and I saw a man who can possibly not do pretty much anything without help. We walked back to our apartment thinking of the other things in daily life that he needed help from others. I dont know much about that person, I just saw him once again when he got into a bus when I was walking towards the bus stop, I dont know if he was happy or sad or complaining about his life on a daily basis, but to a stranger like me, it didnt look that way at all. He looked pretty much at peace with himself.
I wouldnt say that I changed entirely after that incident and am perfectly complacent, I still do complain about trivial things and later feel silly about it. But that day I did stop complaining about my looks or simple health issues that no one in this world lives without. I really dont care how I dont have perfect hair or teeth, I do know that whatever we have is Gods blessing and He always gives what we need and not what we want! I can never forget that special stranger who made me feel so satisfied with what I have.
I had an oppurtunity to be in this beautiful country Finland for about 6 months, but never really appreciated at that time (One of the many things I regret after passing that moment) . I was too homesick, missed food so much and was a complaining maniac for most of the time. My phone calls to home was always filled with tears about how I am craving for good food and wondering when I would return back to my home sweet home and tortured my manager to let me know of my return date. One of the days, my roomies and I decided that we will go out to the only Indian restaurant there and see how the food is. Previously, we never wanted to go there because it was called an Indian restaurant, but it was run by Hare Rama Hare Krishna Finnish group of people. We heard that the the food was nowhere near Indian, but that day we decided we will give it a try.
I was so upset that what we heard was infact true, the food was not tasty, but it could be because we were dreaming from the previous night itself. In the middle of our lunch, the waitress went and opened the door to let a man in. She took off his winter coat and I was shocked to see that he didnt have both his arms and his coat was somehow hanging over his shoulders. I dont know how he was able to let her know of his presence or may be she was expecting his daily visit around that time. He sat in a table next to us and we were trying to avoid to look at him, but none of us could eat anymore. The waitress took food from the buffet in a plate and came towards him. I really thought she was going to feed him too, but she told him the food items she had taken for him and left. He thanked her saying something that sounded like he liked the choice of her picking.
I couldnt help but observe what he was going to do next. He bent down and started eating directly from the plate and nothing can explain how horrible I felt at that moment. He patiently had everything and the end of it, the waitress came and very gently cleaned his face, fed him water and put his coat on again and he left. It might be a daily routine for them, but for us, it was something that we didnt think of experiencing. There I was, complaining about how "not Indian" the food is, how I wish I could eat good food atleast one day, etc, etc. I had not finished even a little of what we took in that plate because it wasnt tasty. I realised I had everything, money to get the food I want, ability to cook and more importantly do anything without anyones help and I saw a man who can possibly not do pretty much anything without help. We walked back to our apartment thinking of the other things in daily life that he needed help from others. I dont know much about that person, I just saw him once again when he got into a bus when I was walking towards the bus stop, I dont know if he was happy or sad or complaining about his life on a daily basis, but to a stranger like me, it didnt look that way at all. He looked pretty much at peace with himself.
I wouldnt say that I changed entirely after that incident and am perfectly complacent, I still do complain about trivial things and later feel silly about it. But that day I did stop complaining about my looks or simple health issues that no one in this world lives without. I really dont care how I dont have perfect hair or teeth, I do know that whatever we have is Gods blessing and He always gives what we need and not what we want! I can never forget that special stranger who made me feel so satisfied with what I have.
Thoughtfulness of a little girl!
My niece sanjana is a lovely little girl who will turn 8 this september. But I still cannot get out of the image of that little baby who would be in her walker and would push everything near her to reach out to me. I was so proud of myself those moments when she wanted all my attention towards her. In life there are lot of moments you recollect and wish you could rewind and go back to that day, that moment and these are definitely one of those days for me.
When she joined her first year of Kinder garden, I would drop her at school some days before leaving to Bangalore (one of the lucky days while working in Lucent with the liberty to reach office anytime on monday mornings:) She would insist doing that when I am all dressed up to leave rather than the days I hadnt gotten ready! Kids have a funny way of showing off in front of their friends! One such day while I was dropping her, I saw couple of her classmates (boyzzzzz) in her classroom. I was about to kiss her before leaving, she very quietly said not here vaneekutti (she calls me that, even if my parents have stopped calling that way). I was disappointed looking at her rosy little cheek, but understood that she was shy in front of her friends! I told her to be a good girl to her mom and said would see her again that weekend and left.
In a couple of minutes, she came running after me and hugged and kissed me and asked me to kiss her. The expression I saw on her face that moment is something I really dont have words to express. I have been trying to think of a proper word ever since I thought of writing this blog, but I cant seem to find the right word. I can just say that it was very beautiful and her eyes made me speechless for a moment. I dont know what was running in her mind, whether she understood that I was disappointed, or she thought she wouldnt see me again for a week or it was just a small child who felt alone after her family member left, I dont still know about it. But I do know that her thoughtfulness made that moment very special and something I have captured and treasured.
I dont get to be near her now, but I often hear from her parents, my parents(her grandparents) about her academic excellence, her main role in school plays, how beautiful she is looking, etc, etc. But for me, she is very thoughtful and kind and the beauty of it makes me a proud aunt!
When she joined her first year of Kinder garden, I would drop her at school some days before leaving to Bangalore (one of the lucky days while working in Lucent with the liberty to reach office anytime on monday mornings:) She would insist doing that when I am all dressed up to leave rather than the days I hadnt gotten ready! Kids have a funny way of showing off in front of their friends! One such day while I was dropping her, I saw couple of her classmates (boyzzzzz) in her classroom. I was about to kiss her before leaving, she very quietly said not here vaneekutti (she calls me that, even if my parents have stopped calling that way). I was disappointed looking at her rosy little cheek, but understood that she was shy in front of her friends! I told her to be a good girl to her mom and said would see her again that weekend and left.
In a couple of minutes, she came running after me and hugged and kissed me and asked me to kiss her. The expression I saw on her face that moment is something I really dont have words to express. I have been trying to think of a proper word ever since I thought of writing this blog, but I cant seem to find the right word. I can just say that it was very beautiful and her eyes made me speechless for a moment. I dont know what was running in her mind, whether she understood that I was disappointed, or she thought she wouldnt see me again for a week or it was just a small child who felt alone after her family member left, I dont still know about it. But I do know that her thoughtfulness made that moment very special and something I have captured and treasured.
I dont get to be near her now, but I often hear from her parents, my parents(her grandparents) about her academic excellence, her main role in school plays, how beautiful she is looking, etc, etc. But for me, she is very thoughtful and kind and the beauty of it makes me a proud aunt!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day I fell in love with my little angel
I had always loved kids! But somehow never got a chance to be around small babies or kids until my niece came along. She was the first baby I had seen grow up and that time I even felt that I cannot love my own child that much. I was wrong! I am in love with my baby more than everything in this world even before I can see her.
This particular day was when we went in for 20th week Morphology scan! Till then, I was excited that we are going to have a baby, but often I wondered why I didnt feel so connected to my child. I read mommy articles and everyone around me asked me to do a lot of things keeping the baby in mind, but I was just relaxing and going ahead with my life as if there was no big change. Trust me, I was often guilty and thought the emotional me had changed and I wouldnt love my baby so much, what kind of mother would I be, etc, etc.
Both me and my husband wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl and were very eager for this scan day to come. When we went for the scan, we told him that we wanted to know the gender of the baby and the technician said he would eventually come to that as part of the procedure. Initially when he started measuring the size of head, neck, etc, I was restless. Cudnt wait to know !! But later when he was trying to move the baby to see that little hand that he/she wasnt showing, it struck me that there were more important things than what I wanted to know, if he/she was healthy!!! The actual purpose of the scan, to know if everything was alright with the baby!!! I still get scared when I think of that moment and realise how stupid I had been for so long. The baby eventually turned and showed her hand and we were all happy. Figured out what we will having our little angel(though the technician warned us not to fill in with pink stuff) and came home.
Couple of days later, we got the scan sheets and I was looking at it, though I didnt understand much of their measurement language. All on a sudden I saw two little feet together. It was such a mesmerizing moment in my life and I know it changed everything in me. I dont remember how long I was holding to the sheet till my husband saw me crying and asked me why. He couldnt understand why I was crying after knowing that our baby was healthy. Actually I didnt know why I was crying until I realised that I was overcome with love for my child. I had not lost my cool till that moment and I knew that my life would never be the same. I was so deep in love with my angel and I wanted to see that little feet and hold it so badly.
I am yet to see my dearest maya, got to wait for almost 8 weeks for her, but now I have the confidence of being a mother than I had before:)
This particular day was when we went in for 20th week Morphology scan! Till then, I was excited that we are going to have a baby, but often I wondered why I didnt feel so connected to my child. I read mommy articles and everyone around me asked me to do a lot of things keeping the baby in mind, but I was just relaxing and going ahead with my life as if there was no big change. Trust me, I was often guilty and thought the emotional me had changed and I wouldnt love my baby so much, what kind of mother would I be, etc, etc.
Both me and my husband wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl and were very eager for this scan day to come. When we went for the scan, we told him that we wanted to know the gender of the baby and the technician said he would eventually come to that as part of the procedure. Initially when he started measuring the size of head, neck, etc, I was restless. Cudnt wait to know !! But later when he was trying to move the baby to see that little hand that he/she wasnt showing, it struck me that there were more important things than what I wanted to know, if he/she was healthy!!! The actual purpose of the scan, to know if everything was alright with the baby!!! I still get scared when I think of that moment and realise how stupid I had been for so long. The baby eventually turned and showed her hand and we were all happy. Figured out what we will having our little angel(though the technician warned us not to fill in with pink stuff) and came home.
Couple of days later, we got the scan sheets and I was looking at it, though I didnt understand much of their measurement language. All on a sudden I saw two little feet together. It was such a mesmerizing moment in my life and I know it changed everything in me. I dont remember how long I was holding to the sheet till my husband saw me crying and asked me why. He couldnt understand why I was crying after knowing that our baby was healthy. Actually I didnt know why I was crying until I realised that I was overcome with love for my child. I had not lost my cool till that moment and I knew that my life would never be the same. I was so deep in love with my angel and I wanted to see that little feet and hold it so badly.
I am yet to see my dearest maya, got to wait for almost 8 weeks for her, but now I have the confidence of being a mother than I had before:)
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