Little wonder karthik

Just writing this because I wanted to record this moment I have the habit of slow cooking something once karthik finishes his dinner because maya eats really really slow. He wanted to be on the floor and gave him two mandarins to play with. He thinks of them as balls, so he was playing. He slowly moved to the other side of the kitchen table and I made sure there was nothing there that he can get hurt with and got on with my work. Was feeding maya and was cooking for a while and then realized I didn’t hear any noise from him for the past five minutes. When I went and saw, he had peeled, I don’t know if he did it or the way he played got some skin out, and had taken those pieces and was eating. I was shocked to the core, he is just 1 year old and he was sitting and eating a fruit by himself. I really have no clue if kids of that age do that, certainly maya didn’t. ahh…my sweet little boy, he amazes me, every single day. Recently we moved to a double bed, where I am sandwiched between the two, but the amount of happiness since I moved karthik out of his crib to sleep next to me, can never be matched. Absolute pleasure having these both put their legs on me and sleep. I have lost a bit of continuous sleep because I am constantly looking if he is safe, but touching his soft hands and legs while sleeping is the happiness that I can bear anything for!!!

Boy Child vs Girl Child

It’s purely my thoughts and my thoughts at this moment only  There is always a myth that girl children are very fond of their dads and the boys of their moms. With maya being my first born, I felt this myth isn’t actually true. She loves her dad, but she is truly a mommy’s girl. Surely she drives me crazy, but everything is about mom for her. Recently, with her realizing I am a bit more strict than her dad, at the age of 5, she calls her dad when she is in her time out or something like that, but other than that, she is always behind me. So I never felt the generalization of girl child’s preference to the dad being any suitable in our house. With my son nearly turning 1, him expressing so much these days, I can clearly see the difference between him and her, even as a child. Surely maya was almost the same at his age, would cling on to me and wouldn’t go to anyone else, but the level of the clinginess is so different. From the past two months, ever since he is almost 10 months old, he started clinging on to me like a koala bear. First, my in laws would show him some toy and take him away from me while I leave to work. Then it had to involve my husband who would take him from me and then give it to his parents. But lately, anyone has to tear him apart from me. He clings on to the very edge of my hand when I leave. And yeah, I think for a boy child, the mom looks so beautiful. Last weekend I noticed, I tried to put him for the morning sleep and I hadn’t taken bath, combed my hair or anything. He was very playful, so I thought I might as well leave him play for a while and take bath in that time. I dressed up and came and all he squeaked was …waaaaahhhh….OMG, in such a beautiful tone. He touched my cheeks, my dress and hugged me and that was such a pleasant sweet surprise to me. Today morning, as usual I got ready for office and he had the same expression and so happy to be on me. Personally, I feel, a girl child looks upto to her mother, but is more aware of her beauty and expects everyone to praise her. May be, a boy child is different, who thinks his mom is so beautiful. Its too early to tell, but I think, I should let this pleasant feeling sweep on me for a while ;).

And she is back again!!!!

The last two blogs have been about how hard it is to leave Maya in a new school environment and how she is all teary. Last weekend, she told me that she wants to stay at home rather than going to her new school. I was beyond shock because so far I have always made her wake up in the morning stating that, if she gets up late, she is going to miss school. I was scared of losing her enthusiasm, whether it has to be the new school environment or preferring to play with grandparents at home. So monday when I woke her up, I was actually scared. We had slept late on sunday night and I knew the tantrums she throws for taking bath, brushing her teeth and everything else that comes with the territory. She woke up, didnt say a word, took bath, got ready without crying, drank milk, ate very little breakfast (but still ate was a wonder). Then she told me at the after hours care that she expects me to come early and she cried the days before as she thought I was going to come late. I said wherever amma goes, she will come back to you and she seemed quite happy to hear that. She mentioned about her dad, so I asked her if she wants her dad to drop her some days. Very clearly she told me that, she is used to eating a bit slowly and her dad might not feed her right, so I need to pick and drop her. She said to wait for two mins to finish a picture and let me go, with a happy Bye after she finished it. In the evening, as usual I rushed because she was usually clinging on to the carer (who didnt sound like she liked it too much). But she was quietly playing with the other girls, not of her age group, a bit elder, but she was quite fine with them. She saw me, smiled and went back to what she was doing. This is exactly how she used to be in her day care. I was so happy. In a silly fashioned way, I missed that teary child who was so happy to see me, but I felt so relieved that she got used to that place and started mingling with other children. The same routing continued today morning too and I was happily sent off by her at the day care. Just wanted to write this down to finish it on a high note...rather than feeling sorry about her clingyness!!!

Working mum vs Stay at home mum

I have always been a working mum - started 4 months after both Maya and karthik was born. Have gone through terrible times and good times, missed my kids, cried in bathrooms, but its the life I have and after a few months, I have really started enjoying work. I know there are pros and cons of both working moms and stay at home moms and I honestly, respect both equally. But today, is one of those days, when I feel jealous or despise or I dont know what feeling I have dropping Maya off the after hours care. She is a very social child and there were days where I used to threaten her to wake up, else I wont send her to day care. She used to run and get ready because she loved going to day care. I dont think they do any differently from the day care in the prep class that she is going now. The activities are pretty much the same and she loves it. But whats bothering her is that, its a 8.30 to 3 school and many kids are getting dropped and picked up by their stay at home moms. In her day care, all her friends had working parents (else they wont be sending to day care, isnt it). So she was so happy there and didnt really see her differently. The whole of the weekend she kept asking me that I drop her and pick her off and today morning she woke up crying that, all moms drop their kids and pick them up. I dont want to be dropped by Kellie. I just froze and sat down for a while. It broke my heart. I have never felt bad for being a working mom. But I just wish, just wish that until she gets settled, I could take a break and be with her. So jealous and envy the stay at home moms who can be with their kids during these special moments. The talkative, adamant maya looked so fragile and sweet and I really think the days when she used to run to her friends and not look back at me from her previous day care were much better.

Maya first day at school

I wanted to be a cool mom, but apparently cool and mom doesnt go well together. Maya started school yesterday - prep and I havent been sleeping for the past week properly. I was nervous, anxious and what not while I tried to tell her that she was going to make new friends and meet new teachers, etc. She was excited, happy to have new uniform, shoes, socks etc. The first day of her school, I hadnt slept the night before and got everything ready. She was supposed to have her first break at 11.15 and second one at 1 pm. I got myself ready to stay in school the whole day, took some snacks and a book for myself too. We went early and waited almost an hour for her class teacher to arrive. When I dropped maya inside the class, she was a tiny bit clingy to me and asked me to stay. I told her I was going to stay just outside and meet her during her first break. I had every intention to do so, until the teacher aide almost threw me out. My little girl was fine inside the class room, but there I was standing outside crying and asking the teacher if I really cannot just watch her from a distance. Thankfully Uday was around, so he dragged me out. I waited for 3 pm and ran to pick her up. She looked a bit lost, but really, SHE WAS FINE. She had had an accident and had hurt her lip, but when she came out, she just explained me what happened. Told me all about the new bathrooms she found, where the girls had seperate toilets and boys had their own. She was going to a day care until now, where the girls and boys shared a common toilet. She was excited that they had to close the bathrooms once they go in. Oh My God, all those little cute things she was saying was melting my heart. As a typical Indian mom, I was forcing her to eat something because I knew she wouldnt have eaten anything properly, but she didnt seem to care much as usual. Onething thats just stuck in my mind is that, when she looked all big, matured and so stubborn when she was going to her day care, she looked so tiny, cute and so so so childish with her hair cut, the big uniform (the smallest of the sizes was still big for her). I loved the way she was walking with her shoes on and she looked just like a baby that she was supposed to be. I was talking to uday recently about how matured she has become and how we miss her childishness, but I witnessed those sweet moments yesterday. first day in a different environment, after a very long, my daughter wanted to be around me, holding hands and saying sweet childish things.... Really a memory to cherish....Love u Maya...you are my world!!!

The pic of my little ones 13/01/2015...

One morning when maya got ready a bit earlier than I expected her to and jumped into the crib with Mr. K. He has become playful and loves Maya. I cannot really put in words of his expressions when he sees Maya. He looks at her with such admiration that it melts my heart. He was so happy that she was inside with him and they both were giggling and posing for pics. I always tell maya that God gave her to me as a miracle and thambi came to this world to play with her. This way, she is satisified that she is being 1st to me and has bonded with him well... Onething that puts me in awe is the striking similarity between them. Both look like Uday, but more than that, both look just the same. Some of the pics of Mr. K, i have started getting confused with maya's pictures. For me, they look like identical twins, born with an age gap:))

My son – my Karthik

Though I started writing this blog for my daughter, as all new mom’s your first child is your world and you cannot really think beyond anything other than the first one, I want to add about my son here. Not really maintaining a Journal, but I really need to make this more often than what I have been doing for the past few years. My son is a happy, healthy, beautiful child who is 8 months now. My pregnancy, his delivery, my recovery from C-section all seems so far now, but it was quite a journey and he truly is a miracle. I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with my son, so was super paranoid from the time I found out that I was pregnant. I hadn’t slept a day and thought I will get better after the 12th week scan because the chances of miscarriage are minimal in the second trimester. Then came the 12th week scan scare. They said there is a 1:151 chance that he could have some disability and rated mine as a high risk pregnancy. This result came exactly on the same day I was travelling to India for a 5 week trip. Needless to say, this trip was the most torturous and scary. Initially I had no doubt that nothing wrong will happen to my child, but I started getting scared that in the event of something being wrong in the tests done, I had to terminate. Went through CVS procedure in Chennai, numerous scans and had to wait for 2 weeks to know the initial results, whether the baby has down syndrome or not. Those two weeks were sleepless, crying days within myself. Finally when the results came, and it said normal, I had a huge cry of relief hugging my mom. In the recent days, I have become a bit formal with my mother and that was a moment I let myself down in need of support and care. Came back and had to again have a series of tests because of my previous pre-eclampsia episode with maya and the high risk pregnancy. Had to have scans every two weeks and I started looking forward to it because I could see the baby. For the 20th week scan, I went a bit confused cuz that was the scan that would say if the baby had any heart troubles and also the gender. For maya, I was very interested to know. But for this one, I was somehow convinced that it was another girl for me. I told my husband that if it’s a boy, it really means Lord Murugan has come to me and will name him Karthik. I just said it in a fluke, but didn’t really think of it very much. I went for the scan with a friend and I was more interested when they scanned the heart and other important stuff. And without any heads up, there I saw….it was a boy  Both me and my friend were in tears and I knew he was going to be perfectly fine. Over the next few week scans, the baby was slightly larger for his weeks, and I internally knew that I might have gestational diabetes. Was an avid follower of all the babycenter, mom blogs and I knew that there wasn’t much explanation other than that. My 28th week blood tests were fine, so the doctors didn’t ask me to take a test again. I somehow felt I had it, but continued my regular diet though I knew it was good to cut down on sugar and rice. Maya was a small baby, so I thought though I might suffer with c-section cuz of a large baby, I just wanted the baby to be fine and big..I know its stupid, but pregnancy hormones don’t make you think straight. 39 weeks and was getting restless…The baby was big making it hard for me to do anything…went to a part with family to keep my daughter busy and there I had something…never realized it was contractions..Came back home and was making dosa and realized it started. Rushed to the hospital, by the time I was having 2 min contractions. I wanted to have epidural, but unfortunately some alarm went off in the hospital and they left me unattended for an hour. Finally had epidural, a day later, they said the baby was big and I was no way going to have a normal delivery, he came out beautifully in an emergency C-section. I was a bit disappointed because he was a spitting image of Uday, but his curly beautiful hair, his chubby cheeks…oh…everything about his was so perfect… We had a few bad times after that…I had an infection, flu, etc.e tc…and some emergency trips to hospital, but he won our hearts with his smile, his everything…He started sleeping through the night since he was 9 weeks and so far, hasn’t really troubled me much unless he is really sick. Maya was initially a bit weird about him, ignored him and used to cry a lot. Now that he laughs and runs behind her in his walker, she is in love with him, like us, totally!!! Lots happening, maya is starting school, me in a new home, new job..etc..But I hope I can write more in the future instead of reading news websites all the time when I am free…My kids might or I should say, will think I am stupid when I show them the blog..but hopefully will appreciate when they become older!!!