Being Judgemental....

I have always said that I hate people being judgemental about one’s appearance or whatever characteristic that is. It is not until a few days ago and even today I realized I was being one and how wrong I had been. We recently built our home in a Posh developmental estate and move in couple of weeks ago. We often used to visit this site from the time we bought the land and used to see a Bangladeshi family living in this estate. I used to tell my husband that they don’t look like being owners or even living in this estate and not sure what really they are doing here. I even thought that they owner of that house had got them here to work in their house. Their clothes, appearance everything made me feel so. Once when we were at our land, one of the guy from that family came to us and spoke. We figured out that they were refugees and have recently moved here and are renting that house. Theirs was a huge family and he had 6-7 siblings. Over the course of time I often used to see those kids playing at that park and I really cannot say whether it was their dressing or what made me feel that way, I used to think that if I ever let maya play in the park, I should be watching her over all the time. To some extent I also thought how to not let Maya mingle with those kids. I totally accept that I had been so stupid and I really feel bad for thinking that way. Only a few days ago, we went to play in the park with Maya and many kids were there. And there were those kids too. Before I could even think, maya ran away to play with all the kids there. To my pleasant surprise, all the kids welcomed her and particularly those two kids from that family, carried her around and started playing so well, paying all the attention on her. They pampered her, tried to ask what she wanted and I was in a state that I couldn’t explain, most likely its shame for once feeling that way about those kids. Even today when I took maya to the park, one of those two kids was there and she was carrying Maya around, asking what she wanted to play and was playing with her. To be honest, I really haven’t seen any kid of that age behaving so well to a toddler. I see a few pampered kids of our family friends and I know how badly they crib and cry when maya picks any of their toys, sometimes don’t really feel like playing with a girl of her age and most of the time don’t really like the attention maya gets being the smallest of all the kids. I could see nothing of that sort in that kid. She should be around 8-9 years old, she was so well mannered and every time maya cried or said anything, she would come to me and ask what maya wants and what she should do. She told her friends that maya is there and they should play with her. When another child was playing in that swing for too long, she kept repeating to that kids sister that maya has to have a chance to play in that swing. I sat there, feeling ashamed of myself of what type of bad thought I had about that kid. Yes, her dressing didn’t match with any of the kids there, she definitely looked different, but she was so beautiful and kind, which is a rare thing among this generation’s pampered kids. Being in a foreign country, I know what racism feels like. I know what it feels like for being judged by your colour, clothes and your accent. I know that inspite of being educated and having a white collar job, how a teenage girl in Woolworths or KFC can treat you like crap (I recently had a very young girl in KFC tell me, I have no idea what you are talking about, do you atleast know what you want when I asked her for dinner roll and potato gravy. I know it’s a weird request in KFC, but that’s what Maya wanted). There are many people who do not care about how fluently you can speak, how decent you are and yet judge by one thing, your color, your clothes and way of life. But I realized I was doing the same thing to that girl, infact the whole of that family. What made me think less of them is beyond me now. It really doesn’t matter what their background is, it doesn’t matter what they wear or how they speak, its their behaviour that really matters. After a long time, I felt truly ashamed for something I did. For being judgemental, for thinking less of someone I barely know. If my two year old who doesn’t understand English can go and mingle with everyone irrespective of what language they speak or how they are, why cannot I be?

First time in day care

Maya never fails to surprise me, most of the time in a good way Yesterday I took her to play in the day care she will be joining from next week. I had been so worried for the past three months about this day because I didn’t want her to feel as if I am leaving her with strangers. I think for the past three months, most of them who interact with me, not necessarily my friends, will be aware that she is starting day care and how worried I am about it. And I spoke to all my friends who send their kids to day care and inspite of all the reassurance, I was so apprehensive and scared. But she proved me wrong and am I so glad she did it. When we went in, she started playing on her own and was initially a bit shy to talk to the care taker. Then in a few minutes, she started moving around with other kids and playing with them. I sneaked away, went in after 10 minutes for the first time and later half an hour and realized that she actually enjoyed the company of other kids. She drew a sketch and was actually instructing other kids how to draw. I felt so proud and happy and was glad that I was wrong. When I tried to leave, she wouldn’t come with me. I threatened her that I am leaving and she asked me to take the car and go and she will stay there. I finally had to bribe her with a chocolate to leave from the day care. I was so happy and at the same time praying that she does the same on Tuesday. It’s kind of a weird feeling, knowing that your daughter is growing up and no more that small baby who cries the moment you are out of sight, but at the same time peace of mind when you leave your child with strangers knowing that she is actually doing well….Thank God for my miracle Maya….she makes me proud by everything she does….

Maya starting school….

For a while now, I have been thinking about starting Maya in Child care atleast two days a week. Initially I was wondering if I should wait until she is three. But she seems so bored at home and I really think it will be a good exposure for her to be with other kids of her age. Was looking at various play schools and Montessori and I am still confused. I am generally a kind of a person who likes everything or doesn’t like anything at all. In this case, it’s the former. I like three schools and whether or not, there is a vacancy there, in my mind, I am confused to choose between those three. I remember once a friend said (when I wasn’t married yet), she wanted to see how a cool mom I would be. But I guess cool and mom doesn’t go well together, atleast when they are little and you have to decide everything for them. I am jittery about sending her to school, with strangers, I am super worried about her diet, scared to think if other kids will harm her, with she being a bit smaller than other kids of her age. So many thoughts running in my mind and it leaves me sleepless some nights. I keep thinking where exactly did I lose the cool part about me. Guess it starts when you start carrying your child. You start worrying about you eating healthy for your childs sake, etc. etc and the list goes on. And I am very sure it will continue as long as I live. But the beautiful part is, everything is worth it when your little girl wraps her arms around your neck and says she loves you. Today morning, in her sleep, my baby woke up and she took my hand and kept it near her face and went back to sleep. And I clearly remember, apart from being the sleepy head I am, I couldn’t control my tears. She gets a sense of security just by holding my hand and I know any hardship I go through for her, is so worth it. She is truly a miracle in my life and I hope she knows what she has brought into my life.

Maya tries to talk….

My little angel is trying to talk now…She started saying many words, recently and I am ever proud that her first word was Amma. Nowadays, she has started expressing herself in as many words as possible. And for the past one week, she is trying to form sentences which is truly amazing for us. Many say that I alone can understand what she is saying, which might be true, but I understand that she is trying to form sentences and not just say words. My favourite words in her language as of today are kuchinu – means taking bath paal – milk baai – mouth mooku – nose kannunnu – spectacles chichi – non-veg mutta – egg boova – rice itti – idli balki – walking pumming – swimming ess – dress utka – sitting billa – her blue doll kaani – pillow bun – bunny naati – aunty pinky – piggy kone – phone paata – song pachi – sleeping and the list goes on…It reminds me of the saying – Kuzhalinidhu yaazhindhi enbar mazhalai sol keladhaar – meaning, the musical instruments aren’t as sweet as hearing to a child speaking. It is so true.

Never ending eating disorder - my source of depression

Having fed my niece from when she was little, I thought I knew how much kids would eat at what age. But I have almost forgotten that by now. As much as I wouldn’t prefer my child to be obese, it is really heart breaking to have a thin child too. And with the way I have managed to put on weight, I really am on the edge of my nerves that I cannot make maya eat more and myself eat less. Last week, for the first time, maya ate like a normal toddler and I was over the moon. All I could think was, what I can prepare next to make her eat well. And she was fairing quite well too. Suddenly she had this fever and cold and she has gone back to be the picky eater she always is. I realize that apart from all the emotional problems I have in my family, this is the only thing that is occupying my mind all the time. Last week a friend of ours had come home and asked me if I didn’t eat well during my pregnancy, which I should say, due to various situations, I didn’t. and she said that is the reason why maya isn’t eating well now. I don’t know if it is scientifically true or not, but there is an overwhelming guilt since that time and I would give anything in this world to be pregnant again with maya, to eat right, to do everything right to make my daughter a chubby one. Having said all that, she is the most active, energetic and smart baby I have ever known. Like every other problem, instead of worrying about why, I need to work on the how to resolve the situation. Should practise on how to make maya eat healthy and more and me eating healthy and less!!!

My daughter – My inspiration

We wanted to put Maya in swimming class because both of us know the value of swimming, Uday because he knows swimming and I, because I don’t know swimming, but always loved it. What could be more fun than being in water, and also a good exercise. But for some reason, recently I have started being very scared of water and wouldn’t even wet my legs in the beach. I had decided that I would just stay away and watch, but never really get into water.

Maya had her first class couple of weeks ago and for the first five minutes, she was clinging on to her dad. Then surprisingly she was doing well, going along with the other kids and I was so proud that in spite of it being her first class, she was amazing. Last weekend, she had her second class and she was fantastic. She laughed when uday dipped her in water and she came up and then was looking at me and talking from the pool. I could see that she was thoroughly enjoying and Uday was enjoying more than Maya. Sitting there, I was feeling so happy and proud about my daughter, but also a bit left out. I was just thinking how wonderful it would be, if I knew swimming and I could join them in water. And I thought, if a 20 month old can get rid of the fear of water in just one class, what kind of inspiration will I be to her to get scared and not do something that I can actually do. There, I decided to do something that I have been postponing for years together. I enrolled in swimming class and yesterday, 13th March. I had my first lesson. I don’t know if I did well or not, but I was really happy doing it because I know that sooner I can start playing with my daughter in water.

Thank you my dear Maya, you have inspired me to do something that I loved so much, wanted to do so much, yet didn’t have the courage to do anything about it till now. I am so very proud of you, you have given me another chance to thank you for coming into my life!

Am I spoiling Maya?

I read the title of an article in Baby center – Are you stricter than your parents?

I then remembered this conversation I had yesterday with my dad. When my dad chided maya a little for playing with food and making her as well as the floor dirty, I rushed in her defence saying that she is only a baby and babies are supposed to play like that. Dad got upset and angry and said, do your own way, but you are spoiling your child. I had similar conversations with my mom and sister when I went to India for a trip too. And it makes me think, am I way less stricter than my parents and is it actually wrong for maya? My parents were strict and to think of my dad, he had certain ways he thought we should be and even as a child, I don’t think we quite enjoyed that. We were always in our best behaviour in front of others and even in our home, but now I realise we have missed out some fun kids are entitled to. Come to think of it, I want only the best for my daughter, and if it means she would be upset with me, I am fine with that as well. But I really do believe that, there is a certain age at which kids need to be disciplined. I don’t really want maya to be a misbehaving child who throws tantrums in a shop or anywhere outside, but I personally feel that, when the time comes, I have to discipline her and its too early to do such a thing. For instance, I know my niece Sanju is the best behaviour child. She wasn’t disciplined in any way when she was of mayas age. She was just a happy go child always and she learnt what and what not to do when she was getting a bit older. Will maya follow the same steps as her sister? Nevertheless, I get worried sometimes, am I spoiling maya? Should I start disciplining her from say, right now?