My fur babies

I never thought of myself as someone who would love or have pets. Growing up in India, its not uncommon. As a young girl, I was sometimes chasen by street dogs and that memory has petrified me even when I saw friendly dogs anywhere else. I remember being rude to owners of dogs who let their pets in park without leashes. I was that petrified! After failing in attempts to convince me of dogs, Uday and Maya got two love birds couple of years ago. They promised they would clean, feed etc, but invariably failed. Me and Karthik took care of the feeding food and water, but cleaning always fell on me (SURPRISE!!). After 3 months, I wasnt able to do it anymore, nor were the kids playing with it. So one fine day, I gave them away to people who would take care of them better. And for a year, we were pet free. Whenever the topic of dogs raised, I said, we couldnt manage couple of birds inside a cage, how do we manage a dog going around everywhere! That was my stand, for a very long time, until Feb 2021, when it all changed Covid changed a lot of things. In a way, the more time we got to spend at home, we were thinking whether it was a good time we got a dog so we can be home for their initial growing up years. All of a sudden, one day morning we saw an ad and drove 4 hrs and got Lucky. She is a chocolate labrador - she is unbelievably affectionate, but it is true that she petrified me and Karthik initially. She still has anxiety issues, gets all jumpy and wants to lick us all the time. Then 6 months down the lane, we felt, Lucky was so lonely and is always stalking us and got Simba, my lovely yellow boy! I have to be honest, he had the stinkiest wee's of all time for the initial month he stayed in the bathroom upstairs. He quickly graduated to staying in his pen at garage and started being with Lucky. She plays rough with him and initially we had to play referee and protect him. Now he is bigger than her and he can take care of himself So coming to why I decided to write about them - yesterday, after Udays continous request to stay out for 10 mins, I went out to be with the fur babies. I am constantly busy and for some reason I dont really play-play with them at all. Maya and Karthik joined and as usual, I was hurrying up to go inside - dinner - reading - sleeping routine. Uday grabbed me not to go and all of a sudden, Simba leaps at him with a small growl thinking he is hurting me. I didnt realise it first. Then he is lying down, Uday goes near, he does nothing, I go near, his tail wags way too much and starts licking me. We thought we will see what he does when Uday is pretend hurting me and did it for another couple of times. Every time, simba comes near defending me! I knew dogs were loyal, they possibly love the lady of the house more etc. But it was unexplicable happiness when I saw that he wanted to defend me against his master himself. I wouldnt have thought I would say this couple of years ago, but I love my fur babies way too much. A little less than Maya and Karthik I must say. Their love and loyalty, nothing can ever match it. All that extra work and money is so worth it!

High School Maya!

I started this blog when I was pregnant with Maya, not many blogs, but when I browsed through this morning, I realise I don't remember many incidents on top of my head! A good reminder to write more to save these memories in writing than to believe I will remember those Maya started high school this week. The whole of last year, we contemplated between the very good public school and a decent private school nearby. Finally the mighty 4000 strength of the high school made me choose the smaller private school because I beleived that would suit Maya better. She had her close friend in year 6 going to the same school, but from the beginning, Maya was determined to be independent as we thought her friend was going to change to another high school. The first day, all dressed up, looking beautiful, she sat in the car and soon after we reached high school, she burst out crying. She was overwhelmed by all those year 11,12 kids. Probably felt like a preppie when she joined primary. We went with her, to her classroom, met her teacher and dropped at the office where they asked us to. But seeing my strong Maya crying, it made me so upset the whole day. I couldnt wait for the evening to pick her up and ask how she went. While we were in the car park, I could see her walking with couple of girls, smiling. I felt so relieved and happy. She told us later that she really had a good day and a kid Hannah had become her buddy. Its just her first week, but she talks about so many people already, in a nice way! She herself went and enrolled in Debating, Choir. Shows interest in whats happening around, which is a first for her. I have to be honest, her primary wasnt what I would have ideally wanted for her. She did her debating, choir etc, but we practically forced her to do it. She had more fights than good days, atleast those are the ones I remember. I had to push her even for the disco night because she just wanted to walk around. I am not proud of those, but I wished she understood how good it will be to be involved in the school community. I think its sinking in for her and she is for a good start! I am hopeful that this is a start of a really good journey!

A boy who believes in Tooth fairies

So, Karthik's front two teeth finally fell in the last couple of days. The adult teeth started growing and it managed to push those two baby teeth off. Last year he had couple of lower baby tooth fall and at that time, he was convinced without a doubt that Tooth fairies are real. This time though, his friends had told him that its not the tooth fairy, its only the parents who give them coins and throw the teeth in the dustbin. He asked me if it was true and I ofcourse said, no they are for real, probably its different in each home. He was so convinced and planned to keep his tooth under the pillow. Thanks to my almost 12 year old who lets him have his innocence and smiles when he asks her if I am telling him the truth. I know many of the older siblings who spoil the fun for the little ones. On the day of the first tooth falling, he loses the tooth, cries his heart out. I told him to write a letter and he writes saying, my tooth fell off, but I lost it. Sorry, I will be responsible. He wakes up, finds a $5 note under his pillow and is so happy to tell me that the tooth fairy appreciates his honesty and leaves him more money than usual $2. The next day he managed to pull out the other tooth and yet again, loses it. He made me search the whole home for it and ended up again writing a sorry letter. So the tooth fairy left him a note that she loves him so much and his tooth will grow up to be a beautiful tree, just like him. He wakes up in the morning and is re-reading the letter and is so happy! I do know that not many 8 year olds are that innocent and I appreciate it so much! His toothless smile is heaven. Soon he will grow up and not be this childish anymore, but I relish every single thing he does, so pure hearted and innocent! Please dont grow up too fast baby!

My angelic sweet boy!

I am a proud mother! Ofcourse I scream, go crazy and drive them crazy as well, but I know how blessed I am to have these two wonderful babies. Maya has always been a very social outgoing personality and she would get along well with everyone. I have known her playing with kids who generally the other don’t play along, she is kind especially to them. I know a couple of kids with special needs in her after hours who would always be playing with her. Karthik is more shy and for a long time, infact his entire kindy, he loved playing alone and didn’t really mention any friend. He is in year 1 now and every day my usual question is, who did he have lunch with, who did he play with. He had a new kid in his class – a beautiful little girl who is a little on the chubby side. He has been saying for a few days that he has lunch with her and another lovely boy in his class. Couple of days ago when I picked him up and I asked him my usual question, he said he wasn’t angry, but he was just sad that the new friend didn’t let him play something he wanted to. He told me again that he wasn’t angry at all on her, but he was just upset. He said she said sorry and he said its fine. I loved this sweet gesture and I said it was good he wasn’t angry. Later that night, while I was putting him to bed, he kept struggling with some thought and said Ámma, I am having a bad word about this friend in my mind, it is so wrong’. I was so worried and he was literally struggling to keep his tears controlled and he kept saying he is having in his mind and cannot get it out. I was really worried and I asked if he told his bad word to his friend and he said no no, it is just in my mind, I want to get out of it. He kept telling me, I cannot even say that word. Maya asked him to say the starting letter and he said f. I was blank for a minute and then realised and asked him, if he thought of the word fat. He said yeah, that’s the word, I know it will hurt her feelings if I say that word, I am so sorry. I said its ok to have it in your mind, whats more important is that you realise it is wrong. Why don’t you think of a kind word instead. He thought and he said he came up with the word beautiful to tell to her. He was really relieved and looked so happy! I was melting and I don’t know if I would have been more proud if he achieved something in academics or anything else. He knew it was wrong to say something hurtful and he struggled to even have this thought in his mind. May you stay like this forever my sweet little boy, respecting women and being kind always. There is nothing more attractive about a man than one who is sensitive and kind! I wish to see this kindness and gentleness in you forever!

Bed time reading

To be honest, I hadn’t always read books while it is sleep time for kids. I would be so tired, get their dinner done, put them to bed. Until karthi was about 2, I would sing to them every night. But reading, not really so much. When I went for prep interview for karthi, there was a book which mentioned the positives of reading to kids. That night, I started reading a book. It was a baby book, but both Maya and karthi loved it so much. I try to do it as much as I can because I love the feeling of both of them across my chest and so deep in listening. Last week, I was just randomly asking the kids what they like to do with me, Karthi answered, I like to sleep with you, I miss you when I sleep in daddys bed, I also like reading with you. Maya said she loves playing with me and reading with me. I think it is more about the time I spend with them without ordering what to do. What I wish for now is to be able to make the story telling while having dinner and take them off the video watching mode. Hopefully I will get there.

First school trip with Karthi

I cannot remember much about Maya’s first year of school in prep. May be the fact that Karthi was just a 6 months baby then or the fact that I was going through depression, I don’t remember much of the good moments. Maya is a very outgoing child and though I volunteered few times in reading groups in her class, I never went for day trips. I wanted to go for Karthik because 1. I knew he would like me to be around 2. I wanted to see how he is with his friends and teachers at school. The morning we started, he said, I will sit next to Eileen, you sit on the other side of Eileen. I laughed and said, you have someone between us already. I even mentioned that to Uday and was intrigued how he would be, would be stay close or be like Maya who forgets me when she is around her friends. My shy little boy was super sweet the whole day. He stuck to me, looking out for me and wanted to be with me all the time. Made me happy to be honest. It was a small farm, north of Brisbane and to be honest, I felt there weren’t much for a school trip per se. But the preppies were too happy to see the pony, roosters and the bunnies. The bunnies were super cool, named after characters in Peter rabbit. They sniffed around the kids and karthik was super happy. Same was when he was handed a small chick incubating. I had a good chat with one of Karthiks friends mom and I was pleasantly thrilled how nice it went. I ended up in a migraine as usual due to lack of water, but overall, a happy day and a memory to cherish.

What I would like to do

For myself - Be positive. For some time now, I have started experiencing ‘What we think, we become’. The more good things I think, the more happier I am. I read quotes, post it on the fridge, remind myself every other day. But sometimes, toxic thoughts do appear in my mind. Overpowering me and puts me down. It is when I want to understand that its just a phase and I need to rise above that again - Focus and integrity. Whilst I know I am doing my best at home, I don’t think I am doing the same at work. I want to change that. I want to be accountable for what I do and I want to give my best For my kids Oh… that’s going to be a very long list. Out of which the first and major one would be 1. To talk – I want to talk to them as much as I can – when they are in this young phase where they want to hear from me. Soon they will grow out of it. 2. To play with them – that’s one of the major things I haven’t been good at. Maya loves loves and loves the one or two times I have played snake and ladder with her. Karthi wants me to play tickling games. I really should play with them more. I didn’t have a childhood full of play, was pretty serious in our household. I now have the life where I can play and just be happy. So that’s onething I seriously want to incorporate in our lives 3. To cook – Onething I really love is having the kids around all the time. Want to cook lots of different dishes for them, with them. 4. To love love and love them unconditionally – Pretty much every mom does that. But I have found that loving them when they are darlings is so easy, but loving them when they are mischievous is so damn hard. I cannot believe the tone of my voice sometimes and I end up feeling extremely guilty afterwards.