Being Judgemental....

I have always said that I hate people being judgemental about one’s appearance or whatever characteristic that is. It is not until a few days ago and even today I realized I was being one and how wrong I had been. We recently built our home in a Posh developmental estate and move in couple of weeks ago. We often used to visit this site from the time we bought the land and used to see a Bangladeshi family living in this estate. I used to tell my husband that they don’t look like being owners or even living in this estate and not sure what really they are doing here. I even thought that they owner of that house had got them here to work in their house. Their clothes, appearance everything made me feel so. Once when we were at our land, one of the guy from that family came to us and spoke. We figured out that they were refugees and have recently moved here and are renting that house. Theirs was a huge family and he had 6-7 siblings. Over the course of time I often used to see those kids playing at that park and I really cannot say whether it was their dressing or what made me feel that way, I used to think that if I ever let maya play in the park, I should be watching her over all the time. To some extent I also thought how to not let Maya mingle with those kids. I totally accept that I had been so stupid and I really feel bad for thinking that way. Only a few days ago, we went to play in the park with Maya and many kids were there. And there were those kids too. Before I could even think, maya ran away to play with all the kids there. To my pleasant surprise, all the kids welcomed her and particularly those two kids from that family, carried her around and started playing so well, paying all the attention on her. They pampered her, tried to ask what she wanted and I was in a state that I couldn’t explain, most likely its shame for once feeling that way about those kids. Even today when I took maya to the park, one of those two kids was there and she was carrying Maya around, asking what she wanted to play and was playing with her. To be honest, I really haven’t seen any kid of that age behaving so well to a toddler. I see a few pampered kids of our family friends and I know how badly they crib and cry when maya picks any of their toys, sometimes don’t really feel like playing with a girl of her age and most of the time don’t really like the attention maya gets being the smallest of all the kids. I could see nothing of that sort in that kid. She should be around 8-9 years old, she was so well mannered and every time maya cried or said anything, she would come to me and ask what maya wants and what she should do. She told her friends that maya is there and they should play with her. When another child was playing in that swing for too long, she kept repeating to that kids sister that maya has to have a chance to play in that swing. I sat there, feeling ashamed of myself of what type of bad thought I had about that kid. Yes, her dressing didn’t match with any of the kids there, she definitely looked different, but she was so beautiful and kind, which is a rare thing among this generation’s pampered kids. Being in a foreign country, I know what racism feels like. I know what it feels like for being judged by your colour, clothes and your accent. I know that inspite of being educated and having a white collar job, how a teenage girl in Woolworths or KFC can treat you like crap (I recently had a very young girl in KFC tell me, I have no idea what you are talking about, do you atleast know what you want when I asked her for dinner roll and potato gravy. I know it’s a weird request in KFC, but that’s what Maya wanted). There are many people who do not care about how fluently you can speak, how decent you are and yet judge by one thing, your color, your clothes and way of life. But I realized I was doing the same thing to that girl, infact the whole of that family. What made me think less of them is beyond me now. It really doesn’t matter what their background is, it doesn’t matter what they wear or how they speak, its their behaviour that really matters. After a long time, I felt truly ashamed for something I did. For being judgemental, for thinking less of someone I barely know. If my two year old who doesn’t understand English can go and mingle with everyone irrespective of what language they speak or how they are, why cannot I be?